On trial

 So, Andi has been on trial for just over a week now, and apparently it is going okay. It's funny, but just like everything else about this boy, this is not worrying me. 

He's going to be fine. 

If I get worried about it, I realize I am channeling "Sherwood's Mom", and just remind myself that he is not The Ruiner, but Unicorn Babybutt. And therefore, everything is fine. No one has died without my constant supervision, and I will not owe them money for damages to their barn. 

I have had a bit of a.. conniption that Shelby had to talk me through, which is again, a hangup from owning my loverly mare. (She really has me well trained, don't you think?) And that is... Am I selling him short? Did I turn away those UL dressage riders too quickly? Am I taking a professionally trained, recognized event horse and selling him to a very backyard barn?? And again, I just needed  someone who knows me better than most, and who understands how.. quirky I am, to remind me that, No. I have quite literally done the absolute best I could for this boy. He does not want to be a show horse, he wants to be loved and kissed and fed. He could care less about ribbons or accolade, he just wants someone to rub his blaze and tell him he's the sweetest bestest boy ever. 

Thank you Shelby, once again, for talking me down from my ledge. 

And don't think me a snob. I mean, I am NOW, so maybe you should. Bahaha! But... I grew up in barns where fencing fell down, barns were dirt-floored, and people did not wear Dubarrys to muck stalls. Hell, they definitely did not even have a pair of them lying around. I grew up on horses who weren't allowed at other barns until everyone had cleared out for the night because they were so.. dangerous. Let's just say it, Dan was dangerous. And that will be a story for another time. But they were fed, they were turned out daily, they all had blankets as needed in the snow, and their feet were done mostly on time. The humans suffered- ate Ramen, lived in 50 degree cabins, had credit issues- so the ponies didn't. And.. I learned what I did NOT want to be like as an adult. 

Honestly, I may be inconsistent, but I'm a good horseperson. And I got lessons, found trainers, pursued higher levels of knowledge as an adult- and you know what? I've been called ballsy and brave and crazy and stubborn, but the fact is, I learned how to RIDE at backyard barns. I learned stickability- both in the saddle and out- you stick with what you have and learn to make it work. And in this age of disposability, I guess I could have learned worse lessons. So, if Sammi learns half of that on Andi, then things could be worse, right? 

Andi goes on Trial this week

 So.. he leaves Wednesday. Details have been ironed out, contracts adjusted and terms agreed upon. All that's left is for them to show up, load him, and... say bye. 

I think we all know he's most likely not coming back. I gave him an extra carrot this morning. I wonder how long horses remember people. Do you remember the old Black Beauty? I heard the 2020 remake by Disney is AWFUL, but I loved the book and I LOVED the old versions. Although my greatest fear is to find one of my loves like Joe found Beauty in the end. Honestly, it's a nightmare I've had more in the past 3 nights than I care to admit. I mean, how awful would it be if I saved him from that end to only sell him back down the path toward it? Ugh.. I am tearing up just thinking about it right now. 

Anyway. He is not Beauty. He is Andi. And we all know that's why I'm keeping the Other horse for the rest of her life.. She would unquestionably end up in bad circumstances. So.. You can only have one Beauty, right? (Although I'm pretty sure she's more the Beast.. LoL) He will be fine. 

So, I gave him an extra carrot, stood in the cold frozen slush from our dud storm last night, and... just hung out with my Unicorn. I will miss him. I'm happy for him, but I will miss his downward dog breakfast greetings and steady eddy personality. 

Andi... gone?

 My short term project, turned long term project, turned... 

Andibug, Baby Brat, Baby Butt. Good boy.

I've never sold an animal before. I mean, I got him with the full intentions of short term project selling him, but then he just... wasn't ready.

I went out to lunch with Shelby and Jess today, girls (okay, at 25-35+ we are women, but eff that.) who have known him since the day he came up from Aiken- hell, I was with Jess the first day I rode him in muck boots and HER helmet!!- and realized that he has come so far in these last 2 years. I'm an awful documentor- you'll have to take my word on this and so many other things. On paper, it seems like I've been the cause of him LOSING ground (who takes a horse with a novice USEA record and sells him as a schooling hunter who hates XC??). It was good to sit with them and remember that he was a mess when I first got him- ulcers, bony, felt like a stick of dynamite 1/2 the time you were on because he was so worried about EVERYTHIING- try mounting up without him trying to rear or bolt, it was impossible. And to hear them talk about witnessing 1) my learning curve figuring out his anxiety cues- teeth grinding (yes, his teeth are done regularly), lip flopping, whole body curling up in tension, and 2) helping him figure out how to work through his anxiety- stop, hop off if you need to, let him look and think about it, and.. let him know you'd never ask him to do something that will hurt him. And NEVER EVER use a crop to push him forward!!

I heart this boy. Recently, I read this story about angels- how they come into your life right when you need them, then leave when you are healed to help someone else- and I had to laugh a little.

Did I tell you how Andi came to live with me? 2018. Sher, aka The Dragon, had her first year of recognized eventing, and was doing well! She was unstoppable XC, but more impressive, was really starting to figure out dressage and SJ as well, due to the efforts of her half-lessor. Our last show, she showed just how bi-polar she truly is; we cleared out a warmup ring with our Lipizzaner tricks (ever seen a horse randomly launch itself into the air for no good reason?), then managed to win 7th place out of 15 riders, and then showed reminded everyone who wasn't in the warmup ring just WHY she was called the Dragon in our victory gallop (she just wants to fly!). All was well until I got a new job and I couldn't get there to ride her. She started working her Dragon magic on her lessor, got progressively more and more cranky, more outspoken, more... Sherwood. I was only called in when they thought something was wrong- only to hop on, be beaten up, beat her back into submission, and just wonder why I bothered with this insanity.

 Sherwood is exhausting. She exhausted me. I was done. I was quitting horses and riding and eventing, I was going to stop being a horse-crazy child and learn to adult. I was... done. So done. She is so difficult and "terrible" (not my word, Shelby used it today!), and I'd had her so long, I was sure this was normal, so I was never getting another TB. Maybe another horse, but never another TB. I hated mares.. I was done. I needed a break from horses so badly, I put my heart horse up for sale to her lessor and thought I was ready to walk away. Hah. In the month it took for her lessor to get her shit together to buy her, I had developed into a full-blown alcoholic grieving the loss of my heart horse and was absolutely miserable at the thought of life without my Dragon- "what is a dragon rider without their Dragon??" I asked a friend during that period. Then, everything fell apart. Sherwood ruined the sale in typical violent Sherwood fashion (no one died, if you're wondering), and that same week, Andi was offered up as a desperate throw-away with ulcers and a bucking problem, and.. I suddenly had two Thoroughbreds I didn't really want. 

So, I did what anyone who has any semblance of compassion or self-respect would do- I treated Andi's ulcers, fattened him up with the Hellspawn's (Erm, Sher, in case anyone was questioning) diet plan, and decided to put them both back into work (we all know that if you leave a Dragon unworked, they fly you to the stratosphere and start doing barrel rolls). Hence started the Chronicles of Andi, poor as they may have been, and a mere human remembered how much she loved both Dragons and Unicorns; and in doing so, realized that Unicorns, even if they need a little spit-polish to show their true colors, deserve to be shared with the world, whereas Dragons are meant to be loved for themselves, on their terms, by the special people who are willing to do so.

And now... there's a 16yo girl who has kept after me until I, guilted into action, set up a viewing, and.. he liked her. He was lovely for her. And I read something about angels who come into your life to heal you, then have to leave to spread joy to the world. 

Andi is an Angel, not a Unicorn. Or maybe, everyone has just missed that Unicorns actually have wings AND horns. 

Please take care of him, because I heart my Red Devil, my Andiamo, my Go-Button. And if you don't like him, please give him back; there will always be a stall waiting.